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This past week I found myself in a serious state of ‘overwhelm’.
I mean plop-down-in-the-middle-of-the-“mess”-overwhelm. “Don’t-know-what-to-do-much-less-how-to-do-it” overwhelm. “Where-do-I-start?!?!” overwhelm. “W-T-H” overwhelm. “I-can’t-breathe” overwhelm. “Lord-Father-Jesus-Help-me-Amen” overwhelm.
Yeah. You know that place….yeah…right…THERE.
I did literally sit myself right down in the midst of all that swirling, all that mess. Trying to calm myself. To think clearly. To just see the next step…not all the way to the end but just that one tiny little step in front of me. To breathe.
See, I’ve undertaken a MAJOR personal project this year. MAJOR. I can’t emphasize enough that it is MAJOR. (To me anyway.) And I’m making strides daily to accomplish this goal. I’m definitely on track to get this done. I’m very clear with myself (and anyone else with whom I’ve shared this project) that I must accomplish it: there is no other option. I’m clear as to what it costs me to live this way. I’m clear as to what it will cost me to continue to live this way. And while I know that it will cost me now to rectify the situation, the rewards will be astronomical and pay me back in dividends too many to name or measure. I know this.
And if those things aren’t enough, I have a negative external “motivator” that pushes me forward when I want to give in and just let this situation remain. Some might label this ‘external motivator’ a “hater”. Personally, I label it “foolishness” but hey, that’s just me. Now don’t get it twisted – I am in no ways relying on this negative ‘external motivator’ to get me over the hump. Instead, it is a reminder to me that many will try to force limitations on you for whatever reason but…as long as you stay true to YOU…it’s just a string of useless words.
Anywho, I’m making progress. It’s a sizeable goal…definitely doable…achievable. SMART – Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Realistic, Timely. Most definitely.
And yet…I’ve found myself on the verge of overwhelm a few times. Shoot, truth be told? I’ve found myself smack dab in the MIDDLE of overwhelm. LOL It doesn’t help that, while this is definitely a long-term goal (“timely” = EOY 2009), I’m juggling a couple of other big goals. And then…a little personal sit-che-a-tion came up that has me on the ropes at the moment.
See? Instant overwhelm.
So….what’s a girl to do?
Well, I stepped back and thought about the who/what/why/when/how of it all – why this goal, why now, could it wait, etc. I reminded myself of my “WHY”, the reason it matters so very much to me at this point in my life AND that I’m not willing to give up another thing to this situation…not nay one mo’ thing. And I mean that. I reminded myself that Rome wasn’t built in a day and this goal wouldn’t be accomplished in a day either. I slowed down long enough to celebrate how far I’ve come since January 1. And reminded myself that no matter what it looks like to my naked eye, I know the truth of the story. I know where the transformation has occurred.
I decided to give myself a little breathing room. So…Friday night, I met two of my girlfriends for a belated bday dinner. We had a great time over great food, laughed until our sides hurt and we were in tears. Drove myself home for a nice quick soak in a tub full of warm water, lavender scented oils and more bubbles than the law should allow. Snatched a few minutes of talk-time with Princess So Fabulous and made plans to meet them at my Mom’s the next day. Got there in time Saturday for a home-cooked meal, to tickle my nieces/nephews, catch up with BigBro #5, and relax.
I’m back home. Ready to do what needs to be done. Daily. Small steps. Building in moments of rest (cause burn-out is NOT an option). Counting it all joy.
Knowing that in the end, I will win. I got this. I know it.
I’m talking about “Deep-down-inside-where-it-really-counts” know it.
Even in those moments when I need to stop, refocus, and catch my breath…
It was over before it started. LOL
Filed Under: Evolution